Weekend rant – HSBC: global bank…give me a break

by admin on February 21, 2010

in General

I never cross post from other sites but this is an exception…a very large exception. Cross posted from my ZDNet blog.

HSBC claims to be the global bank – or at least that’s what it says on UK adverts and on its website. Truth is it is anything but a global bank. At least in the online sense. How do I now? I live in Spain, most of my income arrives via USD or GBP. Very little arrives in euros though I have a Spanish bank account. Given the way Spanish banks operate means it is better for me to be paid into a UK account and then transfer to my Spanish account. Sounds complex? I don’t think so. But it would seem to represent a nightmare to my new bank – HSBC – which claims global status. Example:

While in the UK last week I tried to top up my 02 mobile account with my HSBC debit card. It failed. Earlier today I tried the same thing online. Failed again. I had to call up the support line. That cost me $6 but in fairness, the Visa Debit person I was passed through to flawlessly talked me through the card registration process. Oh…didn’t I tell you? Apparently I was not registered on the ’system.’ I didn’t know that and nothing on screen advised me of that issue.

So now, $6 lighter, my card is approved….but wait a minute…I still can’t get credit online. I can however get credit by calling the freephone 4444 number. I am relieved.

Less than an hour later I get a call from the HSBC fraud prevention peeps. That’s worrying. They tell me about the earlier failed transaction…is it debited to my account? Apparently not…but then they want confirmation of the validated result of the second transaction. Duh? Are you kidding me? The transaction was completed online with a Mastercard/Visa SecureCode validation (set up with the help of Visa) so why call me up? And…from the Indian call center from where the person only spoke passable English?

We’re told we live in a flat world. I’ve been offshore from the UK more than 13 years. I need a bank that isn’t going to call me up up every few moments to check that what I am trying to achieve is ‘normal.’ Global should mean what it says…unfettered, simple access to the cards they deliver, subject to ‘normal’ security checks? Not the risk averse vagaries of services that are tied to your account. It destroys the ‘global’ mantra and costs everyone money and time who gets caught in ‘the system.’

In the meantime, how the heck are international organizations supposed to manage their affairs when this kind of nonsense rules?

I am not a happy bunny….

Update: Idly trawling through weekend emails the phone rings. It’s the bank. They want to check another transaction. What is the matter with these people? In exasperation I call up the bank’s helpline in an effort to get them off my back: ‘It’s because you’re abroad.’ Errr….we set up the account because they claim to be the world’s bank and in any event, these are internet transactions plus when we set up the account we told them we’re offshore and were assured that would make no difference. On hold at whatever rate per minute. They have no idea why it is happening. It must be comedy hour somewhere.

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you know what kills me. People say - if you don't like it, leave.

Helpful advice like that really makes me smile. If you don't like it, leave........ CristianStar, I'm talking to you and your type now; you're a pansy.

HSBC suck and their the best we've got. So when you're tired of dealing with their crap you can just move on to someone elses. It's not a simple matter of just going somewhere else, it's a matter of honesty.

The fact is, banks can no more be a global, than countries can. They are bound by their own legislation, which rather unsurprisingly has little to do with the legislation of other countries.

Take England and France for example. I bank with HSBC in both. I do so because.... yep... they're the global bank. Horse hockey.

My wallet was stolen (yes, yes, boo-hoo) lost both my french and english cards. I'm a premier customer (I'm not adverse to a few quid, though I'm far from rich) so I call the premier number where I'm assured that I have a dedicated person at my immediate disposal for all my banking concerns..... I almost reached down the phone to strangle the idiot before I realised that he was improvising as best he could. It was an act, he was a paid performer.

After a verbal beating administered by yours truly (i'm an asshole when people lie to me.... actually, I may just be an asshole), the imbecile broke - "it's all the legislation and conflictiong regulations... we just can't do it"

You know what I was asking? I wanted them, as my single point, premier service, to cancel a direct debit payment on my english master card. No, they can't do that. Can't even ask. It's england, I was told as if it were a place closer to Jupiter than accross the channel. In confidence I was told that it's easier to think of HSBC as two different banks for these purposes.

But it's very odd, all this can and can't stuff in the banking world. When I went from joe average hsbc uk to premier hsbc france things did get easier. I could move money around a bit simpler and here's the important part, free of charge.

I don't think for a second that they are absorbing the cost of the transfer of money between accounts. And this is when it struck me. This premier client crap isn't about the service they provide it's about the service they deny. Those things they can genuinely not do anything about such as incompatible banking regulations, they can only give you a song and dance before finally admitting defeat. But for those limited things they can do, they hold back. It's the illusion of privilege they peddle.

HSBC are not a global bank. No bank is. Figure out what they can and can't do, without all the smoke and mirrors, and fight them for the priviledges they hold back. That's what banking is today. We've advanced little in 200 years.

you know what kills me. People say - if you don't like it, leave.

Helpful advice like that really makes me smile. If you don't like it, leave........ CristianStar, I'm talking to you and your type now; you're a pansy.

HSBC suck and their the best we've got. So when you're tired of dealing with their crap you can just move on to someone elses. It's not a simple matter of just going somewhere else, it's a matter of honesty.

The fact is, banks can no more be a global, than countries can. They are bound by their own legislation, which rather unsurprisingly has little to do with the legislation of other countries.

Take England and France for example. I bank with HSBC in both. I do so because.... yep... they're the global bank. Horse hockey.

My wallet was stolen (yes, yes, boo-hoo) lost both my french and english cards. I'm a premier customer (I'm not adverse to a few quid, though I'm far from rich) so I call the premier number where I'm assured that I have a dedicated person at my immediate disposal for all my banking concerns..... I almost reached down the phone to strangle the idiot before I realised that he was improvising as best he could. It was an act, he was a paid performer.

After a verbal beating administered by yours truly (i'm an asshole when people lie to me.... actually, I may just be an asshole), the imbecile broke - "it's all the legislation and conflictiong regulations... we just can't do it"

You know what I was asking? I wanted them, as my single point, premier service, to cancel a direct debit payment on my english master card. No, they can't do that. Can't even ask. It's england, I was told as if it were a place closer to Jupiter than accross the channel. In confidence I was told that it's easier to think of HSBC as two different banks for these purposes.

But it's very odd, all this can and can't stuff in the banking world. When I went from joe average hsbc uk to premier hsbc france things did get easier. I could move money around a bit simpler and here's the important part, free of charge.

I don't think for a second that they are absorbing the cost of the transfer of money between accounts. And this is when it struck me. This premier client crap isn't about the service they provide it's about the service they deny. Those things they can genuinely not do anything about such as incompatible banking regulations, they can only give you a song and dance before finally admitting defeat. But for those limited things they can do, they hold back. It's the illusion of privilege they peddle.

HSBC are not a global bank. No bank is. Figure out what they can and can't do, without all the smoke and mirrors, and fight them for the priviledges they hold back. That's what banking is today. We've advanced little in 200 years.

HSBC could not transfer money successfully from my USA account to my Chinese HSBC affiliate. The helpdesk could not trace the transfer, there is no paper trail until arrival, and arrival might be months. To top it off, the helpdesk personnel was impressed that my balance was over a million USD. So was I because her eyeballs were off several decimal points.

HSBC could not transfer money successfully from my USA account to my Chinese HSBC affiliate.
The helpdesk could not trace the transfer, there is no paper trail until arrival, and arrival might be months.

To top it off, the helpdesk personnel was impressed that my balance was over a million USD. So was I because her eyeballs were off several decimal points.

You can always say goodbye to this "global" bank.

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